FATGENES

Beginning Again, Triggers and Committment

2011-07-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

Sugar has always been my Kryptonite. Like Superman, when faced with my weakness, I crumble. Superman was fortunate enough that Kryptonite didn't exist on this planet, but was imported. My Kryptonite, sugar or food, is everywhere and even necessary for my existence. Just the smell of a sugary confection is my downfall and a trigger goes off in my head. "Eat". I have a few triggers that I have talked about before: 1) visual ads (food porn); 2) hearing a candy or food wrapper open or a soda top "pop"; and as I said before, 3) smell of sugar, i.e. cakes, candies, etc.

I probably have other triggers, but I just haven't noticed them yet. Although, once I am triggered, I feel almost panicky until I get the item that triggered me. For instance, the other day I saw a cheese danish and resisted. For the next 2-3 days, I craved that cheese danish and by the time I ate one, I wanted more than just one and ended up eating all three over the next two days. I still crave the cheese danish, so deprivation will only make matters worse.

It is a vicious cycle. The more I eat sugar, the more I tend to crave it. So how do I overcome my addition to processed sugars? Last January (2011), I decided to kick the habit and for six months I was successful. I was doing great until I decided to eat a smore at my family reunion. Now I am addicted again. But I was successful for six months! I tricked my body into believing I was getting sugar by eating foods and sweets with sugar substitutes. This satisfied my cravings.

I understand that sugar substitutes are not the best, but maybe I could take it one step at a time. This time, I will recommit myself to go without sugar. Then when I have succeeded in overcoming my sugar addiction, I will take myself off the sugar substitutes. What's next? I don't know, but I have to try. At least I can see the problem, but how to overcome these psychological cravings?

So I have recommitted to go sugar free. I have a neighbor who brings us over a bag of cakes every now and again.

Like an alcoholic pours his "booze" down the kitchen drain, we poured our cakes into a large bowl.

Oh how wonderful this sugar smelled. I could have almost put my face inside the bowl and eaten a mouthful...well....not really.
We took the bowl outside and dumped it out to the chickens. I know it isn't the best for them either, but...

So, no more sugar for us! Processed sugar that is. We will still enjoy fruits in moderation.

Just a reminder of why I am doing this. To get my blood glucose numbers in line.

I am on 40 units of insulin twice a day. Not fun!

No fun at all!

Here's to a new commitment and having joy in the journey. ~ Melanie

I want something more......

2011-07-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

I have been taking a vacation from trying to get into a healthier state. I shouldn't have considering that of this morning I weighed and it was 319 lbs, which actually is less than what it has been, but of course, I need to weigh about half that. My last trip to the doctor resulted in a revelation that I have diabetes, which still hasn't settled into my brain for whatever reason. I am really ready this time. Experts say that you can't do it unless you are ready and I think it's about time that I stood up and REALLY started living. I have all of the shoes with heels on them that I would love to wear, but honestly, I couldn't wear them if I wanted to because of the weight that it puts on my knees. I want to wear those shoes. I want to be able to look the way that I feel. In honor of my wonderful friend and cousin, I'm gonna put my big girl panties on and take charge of the situation! I'm going to be under 300 soon for the first time in 4 years. I can't wait!!

Lindsey

What a big difference portion control makes

2009-11-19T09:05:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it. Here it is on Thursday and I have already lost 5 lbs. I am at 254. I know this may not seem like much, but the only effort I have put into this so far is portion control.

My blood glucose was 116 yesterday, the lowest it's been in months!!! Maybe even lowest this year.

If I start adding exercise to the program as I said I would, this could be really good!

I just wanted to add this encouraging news to our blog.

Love ya'll bunches.

~Melanie

Beginning Again

2009-11-16T09:19:00.000-08:00

Weight: 259
Goal weight: 224
Goal date: December 16, 2009

How I am going to do it: Eat three meals a day with 45 carbs or less. One small snack a day. If I get hungry, snack on free foods. Follow the diet my nutritionist and endocrinologist gave me last year.

Exercise daily. This week I will use exercise bike 10 times a day for 1 minute each on legs and arms alternatively. Build up to legs and arms 10 times each. Future goals: walking and using gazelle exerciser.

I will report how I did this evening.

I will post my pic and weight weekly on Monday.

Love to all,

~Melanie

Farmer's Almanac 2009

2009-09-01T19:32:00.001-07:00

Well girls, summer is nearly over and the fall air is cooling. Perfect weather for walking (except for you Auntie Pat, you have a bad knee). I have tried a few things to lose weight, now I am going to try the Farmer's Almanac. Yep! You heard right!

According to the Farmer's Almanac, Friday, September 4th, is a good day to start a diet to lose weight. It says: you can... "Cut Hair to Retard Growth, Mow to Retard Growth, Castrate Farm Animals, Dig Post Holes, Wean, Quit Smoking, Potty Train, Wash Wooden Floors, Paint, Start Diet to Lose Weight, Kill Wild Onions and Weeds, Host a Party." (Just in case you were interested.) LOL.

Please don't get confused and start your diet on Friday, October 2nd, when it says that is the best day to..."Cut Firewood, Cut Hair to Increase Growth, Mow to Increase Growth, Castrate Farm Animals, Dig Holes, Wean, Potty Train, Wax Floors, Get Married, Start Diet to Gain Weight" No thank ya! But you can still castrate farm animals on that day. Good to know!

So, I'm going to give it a try (starting my diet this Friday, that is, not castrating the farm animals!). Who is on board with me?

Why not have joy in the journey! ~Melanie

Could I have fries with that please????

2009-07-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

Okay. Just kidding. But one thing that seriously bugs me is the fast food ads everywhere you look. I have a weak spot for hamburger and fries. We go out to pay bills today and all I see are hamburgers on billboards. A semi on the interstate has a hamburger the size of a car on it. (I am beginning to drool again, just thinking about it.) It isn't any wonder that I can't seem to lose weight with all the subliminal messages and "triggers" we are bombarded with. I do so much better when I stay home with the cable off!

Oh, and I just heard they are doing a new study on diabetics and they want guinea pigs, I mean volunteers. The control group is given a regular chocolate bar every day while the test group is given some kind of super charged chocolate. Of course, you don't know which group you are in. The study will go on for two years and you are provided with free chocolate. Hummm....do they provide free insulin as well?

Go figure.

Have joy in the journey. ~Melanie

2009-07-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hi Ladies
Tis Saturday 25- July and I just got thru talking to my lovely daughter Lindsey , she's doing great , sporting new hairdo and all .

New hair

2009-07-25T10:22:00.001-07:00

Thought it was time for a change to go with an attitude change.

Wazzzzz Up Phat girls? (love you)

2009-07-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

I enjoy reading the posts. I don't want to put my weight down yet. I would like to hear from Jenna, and Linda how they are coming along. I am trucking along the only problem I have is that I want to wake up and be 150 lbs. I KNOW it will take years to be healthy I am not talking model thin, just healthy. I know its a long road and I am in it for the long haul. Good luck to everyone and I love you all. Can you put my picture I had taken on reunion so that I can see myself everytime I post. Thanks Luscious Lisa!!!

Feeling a Little too Comfortable in My Own Skin

2009-07-12T14:18:00.000-07:00

For years I have allowed myself to start some kind of dieting, lose a significant amount of weight and then, eat myself crazy until I get into the same shape or worse than I was before I lost the weight. I have allowed myself to get into the worst shape of my life and it is no one's fault but mine. If I were to, by some miracle, end up pregnant, I wouldn't be able to carry the child healthfully. I have to remind myself everyday that I CAN get to a healthy weight. I can be a healthy person and I can reverse some of the effects that my overweightness has caused me. I have allowed myself to get out of control, to lose sight of what kind of life I really want for myself and posterity. It is time that I take control for good. To reign in my control and once and for all become the person that I know I can be. I am not going to be the overweight person in the pictures anymore. I am so tired of that. I am going to be the healthy person that is trying to treat her body right. I am going to break this fat gene and I hope that my family is ready to do the same.

Lindsey

I've Lost That Bloated Feeling...Waoohh...That Bloated Feeling

2009-07-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

I am so excited. I have started really watching my calorie intake and what I am actually consuming and it feels wonderful. I have started drinking more water and allow myself to consume only one diet drink a day with my lunch. I have conquered the chocolate craving. I have a whole basket of candy in my office and I allowed myself to one piece of caramel filled Dove chocolate. I gave the second one that I was going to eat away to someone else. I feel better. I can't wait until my stomach starts deflating so I can have the Dolly look again. I have let myself have fattening food too. Quentin wanted pizza last night. Instead of ordering a large with everything and a small cheese and breadsticks and chicken and consuming about half of it....we ordered one pizza.... it was a medium.... and we had half a pie left over. It was the first time I have set down with fattening food and only eaten enough to sustain instead of trying to eat like I was in a contest. I hope that everyone is doing well. I will do my weekly log on Sunday.
Happy lifestyle change......
Lindsey

2009-07-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

This is lushious lisa or so I am working on it. Mom and I go to the YMCA 3 - 4 times a week and walk the pool for 2 - 3 hours. Trying to change our eating lifestyle. Keep up the good work I know we can do this.

I'm Back

2009-07-08T06:17:00.000-07:00

It's been a terrible couple of months. I lost my sweet mother. I dedicate the rest of this journey to her.

Weight: 257 lbs
Goal: 25 lbs (10% of my body weight)
Goal Date: August 8, 2009
Blood Glucose Goals: Levels between 70-100 consistently

Long-term Goal: To be alive by the next reunion.
How I will do this: Eat properly & exercise every day (walk and use my glider and try Yoga)

I will edit this post later and add my measurements.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday, I didn't eat until lunch. (This isn't a good thing.)

Lunch was beef stir-fry with lots of cabbage, zucchini, yellow squash, carrots, onions, bean sprouts, water chestnuts and mushrooms. It was yummy.

Fresh blueberries, but I ate more than I should have.

Angel food cake. More than I should have.

Supper was:
2 servings of banana nut crunch cereal.

Snack (thoughout the evening):
A tomato

A handful of chips

Three handfuls of popcorn

2 Bananas

That's what I ate yesterday. I needed to portion it out and didn't. I had too much snacking and didn't do meals.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goal for Wednesday, July 8th:

Eat better. Portion things out and count the calories, fat and carbs.

15 minutes on the glider and get out my walking and Yoga DVDs.

I will report this evening if I am successful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday I began walking. I walked 4/10ths of a mile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My fasting blood glucose this morning: 156 (Goal 70-100)

Although I am not at goal yet, this reading is exciting to me. I have been struggling to get it down below 200 for a couple of months now. While I am not at goal yet, I am getting there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update on Jamie:

He walked 6/10ths of a mile yesterday.

Everyone be sure to sign your posts, so we will know who you are.

~Melanie

Wow I'm in the 180s

2009-07-06T17:07:00.000-07:00

I am sssso excited ........70s here I come.

Suzy Q

What we are doing to our bodies, what we are putting ourselves at risk for......

2009-07-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

I found this at http://www.dubaiobesity.com/:

Health Risks of Obesity
Overweight and obesity are known risk factors for:
diabetes
coronary heart disease
high blood cholesterol
stroke
hypertension
gallbladder disease
osteoarthritis (degeneration of cartilage and bone of joints)
sleep apnea and other breathing problems
some forms of cancer (breast, colorectal, endometrial, and kidney)
Obesity is also associated with:
complications of pregnancy
menstrual irregularities
hirsutism (presence of excess body and facial hair)
stress incontinence (urine leakage caused by weak pelvic floor muscles)
psychological disorders, such as depression
increased surgical risk
increased mortality (early death)

lindsey

Yummy...Yummy...Yummy..That's why my hiney is so huge!

2009-06-30T15:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had.....
Oatmeal, raisins, PB for breakfast.
Chicken Santa Fe Salad for lunch.
and the kicker.....(Why didn't my mouth stop)
Grilled chicken salad for snack
3 pieces of LJS fish and six hushpuppies for dinner
90 ounces of water
I consumed nearly 3000 calories yesterday

Today I had.....
A Grilled chicken wrap
80 oz of water

lindsey

Measurements and so on.

2009-06-30T15:23:00.000-07:00

I had hoped that since I was unable to blog yesterday that someone would beat me to the punch and blog something.... oh well. Lead by example, right?
Stats:
Weight: 340
Waist: 49
Neck: 18
Chest: 55
Arms: 19.5
Hips: 56
Calves: 18
Ankles: 12
Pant Size: 24W

1st year long term goals:
Be able to hike Eagle's Point by reunion 2010. To go from weighing in at 340 to weighing in at 225.

1st short term goal:
Lose 10% of body weight by August 15, 2009. Bringing my weight down to 306 lbs.

2nd short term goal:
Lose 10% of body weight by November 1, 2009. Bringing my weight down to 276 lbs.

Things to do to accomplish these goals:
Monday: Yoga: Walk 2 miles: Elliptical 15 minutes: Strength training
Tuesday: Yoga: Walk 2 miles: Elliptical 15 minutes: Strength training
Wednesday: Walk 4 miles
Thursday: Yoga: Walk 2 miles: Elliptical 15 minutes: Strength training
Friday: Yoga: Walk 2 miles: Strength training
Saturday: Wild card day (mix it up for variety)
Sunday: REST

lindsey

My first 3/4 mile.

2009-03-08T15:26:00.000-07:00

I am really excited. I am extremely lazy and don't like to exercise. In addition, it is so hard to exercise feeling so tired after work. I have one excuse after another not to do it.

It is beautiful here today in Georgia. The sun is shining and the breeze is blowing making it perfect day for a walk. After I got home from church, I straightened up the house and put the leashes on the girls and drove to a local walking trail I had heard about.

The trail is located behind the local hospital and it has two trails, 1/2 mile and 1 mile trails. It winds together so you actually can get more than 1/2 mile if you don't feel adventurous enough to tackle the 1 mile. It winds around a nice little lake with a fountain in the middle. There are benches placed throughout the walk and the trails are well maintained with some slight inclines. There is also an emergency button in the middle of the walk.

I started with the 1/2 mile walk, but toward the middle of the walk, the 1 mile circled around the lake, so I finished with the 1 mile. I figure I walked about 3/4 of a mile. I rested a couple of times and thoroughly enjoyed the walk. Even with the pain in my lower back, I feel like I could do it again. I even got my heart rate up slightly with the inclines and trying to walk a bit faster than normal. For a beginning walk, I am excited. It was do-able and I feel like I could do it again! Only next time, I plan to try to get my husband to tag along.

The big plus is that after the walk, I checked my blood glucose and it was 87!

Just one step and the adventure begins.

Here's wishing you joy in the journey! ~Melanie

Fireproof the Movie

2009-03-06T09:50:00.000-08:00

Although this is a little off the topic of weight loss, I wanted to write about other things in my life.

My husband, Jamie, went to visit his family in February and watched the movie, Fireproof. He came home a changed man. Our entire marriage has been hard. He was raised hard and his family life was borderline, if not full out abusive. Hitting, screaming, fighting, negativity and tearing down self-esteem was the norm in his family life. So, our marriage has been less than happy most of the time. Until Fireproof, the movie.

Everything I had struggled to tell him over the years, he finally gets, by just watching one movie...and maybe a change of my attitude. I have always been forgiving and understanding until recently. I don't know if it is because I am getting older and less tolerant or what, but I have not been as forgiving. Sorry-not.

So...associated with this movie is a book called the "Love Dare" book. He wanted it, so I bought it and we are doing the "Love Dare". First day we were not supposed to say anything negative-no matter what. Second day, in addition to not saying anything negative, we are supposed to do one act of kindness for our spouse.

Well in the midst of all this work on our marriage, our 18 year old is giving us terrible problems. Jamie makes the statement that Satan works hard to tear families apart. OME!!!! He finally gets it.

So, as we were traveling home from work on the day we were supposed to do an act of kindness for each other, I tell him that I had been thinking about what act of kindness I wanted to do. He interrupted me and said: "The greatest act of kindness you have ever done is when you married me." With tears filling my eyes, I realize that an eternal family may not be as out of reach as I thought.

July 8, 2009 update. "Wow. When I wrote this, I didn't know how close we really were to the possibility of an eternal family."

Happiness in the journey! ~Melanie

My Happy Weight!

2009-03-01T18:10:00.000-08:00

Talk about information overkill, you google weight loss and you will come up with millions of websites. There is so much information out there it would be impossible to digest it all and use what works for you. I need someone who has been there to blaze the trail and tell me what works and what is a gimmick to get your money. If you don't think there are con artists in the weight loss world, get a clue.

That's one of the reasons we started this blog. We are doing this to not only document our journey and as a commitment, but also to lead the way. We will tell you what is working for us and what isn't working.

So, I got on Yahoo this afternoon to check my mail and the headline reads: "Find your 'Happy Weight'. Learn how to determine your true ideal weight, based on various life factors." As a teenager, I had attended a workshop to establish my healthy weight. Based on my measurements, etc., my ideal weight for my body type was 160 lbs. So, I thought I would give it a try. Self has a happy weight calculator.

http://www.self.com/calculatorsprograms/calculators/happyweight.

Height

Frame: Small Medium Large
Do you have an obese sibling or parent? Yes No
Age:
Do you have children? Yes No
How often do you exercise and weight train? Once a week. Three times a week. Five or more times a week.
Recently quit smoking? Yes No
Do you allow yourself a treat?

After answering these questions, it determined that my happy weight is 144.3.

I decided to play with a bit and answered that I didn't allow myself a treat, and my happy weight was 143.3. One lousy pound difference. I don't think so! For crying out loud, I will only be a pound heavier and still get treats. Where do people get these?

Enjoy the journey. ~Melanie

The book section puzzle

2009-02-28T20:05:00.000-08:00

Whenever I go into a bookstore, the first place that I go is to the romance novels. I pick up the books and look at them and read the plot synopsis and then I put the book down. The second place I go is the science fiction and browse through to see if there is anything worth reading there and then I go to the self-help books....More specifically the health and wellness section. I like to see what books are out there. The thing about going into the self-help section is knowing that I am causing wrinkles on my forehead by the contortion upon my face. There are so many confusing things in that part. Most of my confusion is seeing so many books by skinny people that have always been skinny. Lose weight with me!!! This is the message that I get from reading the synopsis of their books. Then there a the books that tell you how to be skinny from former models.....hahahaha.....That is laughable. Every model that I have ever known is a closet smoker and tends to have some unhealthy eating problem because of their schedule and evil women like Janice Dickson (or whatever her name is) that wants the world to know what she thinks of fat women in couture. People do not have to answer to other people for the way that they look! I am certain that people know their own problem areas without someone pointing them out to them. The only reason that anyone should have to worry about how much they weigh is because of the problems that can come from abusing your body in such a manner!! If you decide to pick up a book from the self-help section, be sure to take your time. Look over the book and make sure that it is something that you can comprehend and something that you will be able to follow if it some type of diet or exercise regimen that you are going to try to follow. Don't be afraid to pick the book up and read a chapter or two, just make sure that it is something that you really want and not something that someone else has tried and that they say would work great for you. As much as you would like to follow in your friend's footsteps that lost 50 or more pounds, what she tried might not work for you, so find something that does. And don't be overwhelmed by the book selection, make sure that if you do go to the bookstore to check it out that you make a good open window in your day for the shopping so that you don't feel rushed. Another good way to choose something is to go onto online booksellers or websites dedicated to the books. Sometimes they will have ratings and clips out of the book that you can read and get familiar with. You could even pick up the book online instead of going to the bookstore to get it. There is a lot of helpful data out there for people looking to change their habits, look for it and you will find it.

Happy Blogging.

*Lindsey*

That wonderful empty feeling and the new regimen

2009-02-27T01:47:00.000-08:00

So, I don't know about anyone else, but exercise is a really hard habit for me to get into. When I think about it in my mind after reading a fitness article I am so pumped up and ready to go work out. GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! Then I get to that point where I have my sports bra on and I'm read to go and it just don't want to happen. It almost feels like a form of torture when I am getting ready for it, but when I get there I feel so much better and I have this great sense of accomplishment. Even after just a few days of exercise, my body is becoming more limber and a lot less stiff. Because of the diet and exercise I don't feel as full as I once did either. At one time, not too far past, I felt like I had swallowed a whole Thanksgiving turkey and that it was just stuck in my stomach. Not a fun feeling. It feels so good to be emptier. I have a food and exercise journal from diet finder. It helps to list everything that you are eating. This is a sample day for me:

Thursday, February 26

Breakfast: 1/2 cup Fiber One Original cereal with 4 fresh strawberries cut up in it and 1/2 cup skim milk and 1 boiled egg

9 am: 1 tablespoon peanut butter and 1 can V8

Lunch: Taco salad from Wendy's (It was a little heavy, but it was soooo good)

Supper: Panda Express
Mixed vegetables
Mushroom Chicken
Kung Pao Chicken
Spring Roll
The only substitution I wish that I would have made at Panda is the Kung Pao Chicken, it is not that bad, but I could have saved 90 calories if opted for the Broccoli Beef, which I will keep in mind next time.
All in all, I only had about 1500 calories.

The trick to counting your calories is to know exactly what you are eating. If you eat out, when you get home, go to the website of where you ate out and check it out. They usually have the nutritional information right there for you. There are also other sites that you can go to like, http://www.thedailyplate.com/ or http://www.caloriecounter.com/ and if you are a member of sparkpeople they have a calorie counter for you. There are also little books that you can pick up to carry around with you, but no matter which way you choose, the information is there for you. Don't be afraid to use it or to pick up a health and fitness magazine and try to learn things from them. Health and fitness magazines are stocked full of information and can be very useful.

I have finally decided on my plan of attack for my inflated fat cells and am going to list it so that I can see it regularly. It is as follows:

Monday: AM Do yoga or Carmen Electra's striptease video
Take dogs for 30 minute walk

PM Do elliptical trainer as long as can without passing out (no longer than 60 minutes, started at 15 minutes)
Strength training for stomach and lower body

Tuesday: AM Some stretching and ball exercises

PM Do treadmill as long as possible without passing out (no longer than 60 minutes, started at 10 minutes)
Strength training for back and upper body

Wednesday: OFF DAY

Thursday: AM Do Yoga or Carmen Electra's striptease video
Take dogs for 30 minute walk

PM Do elliptical trainer as long as can without passing out (no longer than 60 minutes, started at 15 minutes)
Strength training for stomach and lower body

Friday: AM: Some stretching and ball exercises

PM: Do treadmill as long as possible without passing out (no longer than 60 minutes, started at 10 minutes)

Saturday: AM Do yoga or striptease video and ball exercises
PM: Do mixed treadmill/elliptical routine
Strength training for upper and lower body
Optional swim or hot tub usage

Sunday: OFF DAY: Can go for Sunday stroll, but no training

This is a tentative schedule. Could change if my body becomes accustomed and no longer benefits from routine.

Happy Blogging!

*Lindsey*

My Sister-In-Law's Success Story

2009-02-24T18:08:00.000-08:00

Today, my sister-in-law turned 42. Happy Birthday JoLen! My husband Jamie called to wish her happy birthday and she told us some good news. She is down to a size 16 from a size 28!! She still has a way to go, but she is doing great!

I asked her how she did it and she told me she exercised 45 minutes every night almost religiously. She said she used a video called Walk a Mile. I believe it is Leslie Sansone's "Walk the Walk", but I will let you know for sure.

I wanted to celebrate JoLen's success, but be warned, BEFORE STARTING ANY EXERCISE PROGRAM, CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST AND BEGIN AT YOUR OWN RISK AND YOUR OWN PACE.

Good luck in the journey. ~Melanie

Dieter's Porn

2009-02-22T18:09:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, my husband and I decided to go to The Olive Garden for our dinner date. We both love this place, but if you are trying to change your eating habits, this place could be a little hard to find something in that would help you to stay focused on what you are trying to change. Of course, I have already previously stated that I have had a love affair with food for a while, but I had no idea that there was food porn out there. There is.

So we are sitting there and the waiter comes up and asks if we want a sample of house wine and of course, we don't drink so that one was easy. I take up the menu to look at it and everything just looks so good. My husband and I have been doing very well with our portions and what we are eating lately so I decide to splurge a tad.

I am sitting there eating my bread and I look over and see the dessert menu on a fold-out. I am staring at it and try to look away and my eye keeps going toward this page. It's like porn for a food addict. I am salivating and these desserts are just posing on the page looking all delicious with their creamed fillings and chocolate drizzles and I could just taste them as I put one succulent bite into my mouth after another..... That's when I had to do it. That's when I had to turn the fold-out over. The other side was much less dangerous and I was able to focus on my date.

It is really kind of scary to know that something can have that much of a mental hold on us. It is overwhelming. Of course, my husband chuckled at me when I did it, but I don't think he understands how much of a part of me has been devoted to food all of these years. I am having withdrawals and yearning for a piece of Publix birthday cake, but I will not give in because there is so much more that I could be doing besides existing. My husband and I could be living..

Happy Blogging.

*Lindsey*

Acceptance and Self Worth

2009-02-22T12:58:00.000-08:00

I have always felt comfortable in my skin. I have never had a problem with the way I look as a big beautiful woman. I have never had people make fun of me or belittle me, except the teens in Taco Bell who mooed at me. I just patted my behind (meaning kiss it!) and went on my way. The only reason I have a problem with my weight now is because of health issues. But I think it is time for the big beautiful woman to be celebrated!

I love it when I look at a magazine and find a plus size model in an ad. I get excited, because someone is giving a little attention to the big beautiful woman.

Then I get offended because my husband is watching "COPS" and some idiot I wouldn't be caught dead with is high and telling the cops arresting him that he needs a good woman. "Even a fat woman." He says, like we aren't worth having.

A lot of people need a dose of the "Shallow Hal" syndrome. Where their outer appearance matches their inner soul. In the movie, "Hal" fell in love with a big beautiful woman, but he couldn't see what she really looked like. He could only see a thin beautiful woman, the reflection of her soul. Some of the skinny beauties in the movie were ugly, because that is how they were inside.

Why can't people see your inner beauty? I feel fortunate because I can see past a person's looks. If you think you are a stud and you wouldn't stoop to the "fat girl", you only look pathetic. And you are missing out on wonderful women.

Today, I ran across an interesting website http://www.bfdblog.com/. The first article is about a magazine cover in London. The cover is a big beautiful woman nearly nude. While I guess you would call me a prude, I did wish there was a little less nudity. I agree that it is about time we celebrate the fuller figure woman. While it shows much more skin than I would have liked to have seen, so do a lot of other covers of thin women. Demi Moore and Jennifer Anniston to name a few. I really have mixed emotions about this cover. ("Yeah! Way to go BBW!" & then, "Geesh put on a two-piece!")

While it shows waayyy too much, it echos an earlier age when Virginia Slims said: "You've come a long way baby." And look where that has gotten us. I think we have gone too far as a society in placing nude stars on magazine covers (Fat or thin). But...maybe it is a move toward acceptance of the "fat girl" in society and that's where we need to be. Accepted...but at what cost?

So, let's push for acceptance, but let's not let it cost us our self-worth.

To each his own. Get healthy and enjoy yourself in the journey! ~Melanie

Hello, my name is Melanie and I am a food addict

2009-02-21T17:46:00.000-08:00

I went to Wal-mart and bought a new set of scales and tape measure. Now I can truly begin to measure my successes and failures in pounds and inches.

As of today, according to my Sunbeam scales, I weigh 264 lbs. I am the biggest I have ever been. The thought makes me nervous. Nervousness makes me eat. It is really odd how sometimes when I am nervous or upset, the first thing I go for is food or chocolate. I pop it in my mouth and actually sigh. I wonder if that is what an addict feels like when they get their fix. I just roll my eyes back in my head and enjoy the feelings as the endorphins kick in.

"Hi, my name is Melanie, and I am an addict." No pun intended. I think I am addicted to food. Food is my comfort. Food makes me happy. Chocolate covered strawberries are the best thing ever.

I am glad I don't have an addiction to drugs or alcohol. I am glad I am not addicted to nicotine or porn. But why do I have to be addicted to food, something my body needs to live?

Just as any other addict has to fight their addiction, I have to fight mine. This blog is part of my fight. As I vocalize, it makes it real for me. It is theraputic. I can identify my weaknesses and learn how to cope with them. Since I blogged about my triggers, I recognize them more readily and it is easier to resist.

Until next time, have a healthy journey. ~Melanie

Reading the nutrition label

2009-02-21T02:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I don't think that people realize that you have to really read the whole label. Sure there are 50 calories in that soup, but how many servings are in that bowl? I went out and bought all the measuring instruments needed to help contort myself into a skinnier me. Measuring cups and small scales that tell me how many ounces I am going to be consuming. If my calculations are correct and all those diet magazines that I read know what they are talking about, I should look like a supermodel in 6 weeks with my handy new gadgets. I want a magazine that takes someone that really wants to lose weight, I mean someone really overweight and follows their journey and then I want them to tell me how they did it for that month. They exact diet and exercise routine and when she is building muscle or has to have surgery, I want to know it all. I want someone to take the time to show me. See, magazines tell you to read the label. I want something that will completely break the label down and tell me what is good and bad and, this is the kicker, I want it on one page. That would be my refrigerator art. When people come over they would say, "Wow, where did get that?" I would say,"I got it out of the magazine that has the chick in it that is losing weight.." Just kidding, it is 6 am and I am rambling. It would be nice to pick up a magazine or a book and it really be a cut and dry look at weight loss. I read magazines all of the time and everything is so generic. Don't get me wrong, those before and after pictures reel me in. I would say that over 3/4 of the magazines that I have purchased in the past have been because of the before and after pictures on the front. They give a little explanation and I'm like...they're my hero, if they can do it, I can. I have had that attitude many times and now I am truly going to adopt it here. I may not be able to create a magazine about what I do, but I will post it here so that I can help myself see what I am doing to take the weight off.

Happy Blogging

*Lindsey*

Realization on the plane and the one lady drag queen contest

2009-02-20T13:04:00.000-08:00

First of all, I would like to thank the lady on the plane that I sat by that had recently gained a healthier lifestyle and shed one hundred pounds. She let me know that they make seatbelt extenders and that it was okay to ask for them. She also was a living example of someone that has grasped and understands what I need to understand

Anyway, my husband and I flew home for a wedding. I didn't have anything to wear, so I go to my usual places to buy clothes and I find this beautiful pink/purple/silver/black dress (polka-dots on black). Lovely dress with a sheeny quality with cute little glass buttons on the torso of the dress. I am one of those people that don't try clothes on. In fact, I hate trying clothes on. I have had the luck of eyeing something on the clothing rack and mentally putting it on and it works and I am not a small girl.... In fact, I am a big ol' girl. Right now I weigh in at 326 and am about 5'10". I bought this dress and put it on. It was a great fit through the shoulders and everything else, but my breasts consumed the space given for that part of my body. They kept trying to escape from their home. I decided to try and pin the thing togehter, which worked for a moment, but I ended up having to wear a sweater over my beautiful dress. In preparation for the wedding, I had my hair blown out and straightened and bought the fake eyelashes and really wanted to look nice. I did some blending and really tried to get the makeup perfect. And then I saw the picture. When I was younger, a friend of mine told me that I looked like a pretty drag queen that he knew. Well, in that picture, I saw that drag queen he said I looked like. I saw someone huge in that picture as well. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't see myself that big. When I saw that picture, the first thought that went through my mind was, "How could my husband be attracted to me when I am this big?" He was so tall and handsome in his suit and I looked like I was double his size. That is when it really hit me, it is not fair to him or myself for me to look like this. I could be more beautiful. I could be someone that impressed instead of someone that depressed themself. This is what I have to work on. This has to be a main inspiration for my goal, along with my health of course, but this is important. I didn't look like this when I started dating him so why on earth did I let myself get that way after the long -term kicked in. There is a lesson in that. Always be on your feet and ready to look fabulous.

Happy Blogging

*Lindsey*

My Great Love Affair

2009-02-19T06:07:00.000-08:00

I love food. Food that is good for me and bad for me and everything in between. Fried, baked: To put it frankly, food has always been my crutch, my lover, and my friend. It has always stood with me through it all. Of course, I haven't really taken the time to realize that food has been acting like a friend all these years and it is really one of those friends that you don't need enemies with. To give an example, my husband and I went to this nice little specialty shop place that had all types of unique little shops. We were walking through and really enjoying ourselves when we round a corner and I stopped dead in my tracks. There in front of me was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen; fresh beautiful gourmet chocolate. There were angels heralding in the background. The light glistened off of the the creamy little sugar concentrated balls. My mouth watered and an angel and a devil appeared upon my shoulders at this time, one trying to convince me to walk away and the other telling me to buy out the whole display. Needless to say, this is when my love affair was at it's height so, yeah, I went home with about 40 dollars worth of exquisite chocolate, but it is what it is. You are given the chance to learn from your mistakes and I have certainly learned that food is a love/hate relationship. I love it and it hates me. So now, instead of a love affair with food, I am in the drivers seat and all I need is enough for me to survive because that is all that food is, a tool for survival. If you have too much oxygen it can kill you and the same works for food, too much of a good thing could be fatal.
Happy Blogging.

*Lindsey*

Sometimes I Feel Like My Mouth is a Giant Black Hole

2009-02-18T18:46:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like your mouth is a giant black hole traveling through the universe and sucking down everything in it's path? Yeah? Me too. There are days when I can't seem to tell myself that too much food is bad. My tongue rolls out like a welcome mat and the feast begins.

Since I have been paying attention, I have noticed triggers. Unfortunately, my office at work is next to the kitchen. While I am working, I can hear everything going on in the kitchen. I hear a chip bag tear open or a soda can pop, it triggers me to eat. I have conditioned myself, over the years to respond to these triggers. Someone gets a snack, I get up and get one as well.

I wonder, if like those rats that play basketball for food, if I could condition myself. Only I would condition myself to respond negatively to these triggers. Maybe when I hear a potato chip bag open or a soda can pop, I could jab one of my insulin needles in my stomach. You would think that would work, wouldn't you?

Seriously, this thought bears considering. If we could condition ourselves to not eat when we get triggered, it would be great. Probably nothing as extreme as jabbing oneself with a needle, but maybe something similar. For example, having a photo of oneself eating or taking an insulin shot to look at when you get the urge to snack. I think I am going to think this one through and come up with various ways to condition myself to not respond to the triggers that cause me to eat when I shouldn't.

I think that noticing our triggers is important. I think I will examine myself and determine if there are any other triggers and I will let you know what I find out.

In the meantime, hope you have a healthy day! ~Melanie~Co-blogger

Hello Blogosphere

2009-01-25T12:49:00.000-08:00

I am co-blogger of this blogspot. We are continuing a journey to wellness. I am 43 years old and have diabetes. I currently take five shots of insulin a day. If I don't change my lifestyle habits, I won't live much longer.

I party in my mouth too frequently. However, thanks to support from my co-blogger, Lindsey, I have established some good eating habits. I have my breakfast down perfectly. My lunch isn't too bad and my dinners aren't too bad. It is the snacks in between that are getting my blood sugar levels too high. I am not good with exercise because I have tacycardia which causes my heart to race if I get too tired or exercise too much.

So, I hereby commit myself to establishing more eating habits to support what I have already began. I will walk each day and find ways to exercise. I commit to work hard to get my blood glucose levels between 80 - 110 with insulin and eventually hope to do that without insulin or hopefully meds.

My mantra for this journey is: "Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels."

Good luck Lindsey. ~Melanie, co-blogger

Today is the start of a revolution for my body.

2009-01-22T04:17:00.000-08:00

For a long time, I have allowed myself to be unhealthy and today I am psyched to say that I am ending this vicious cycle. No more parties in my mouth unless it is of the fruit and vegetable kind. I sick of being fat. I am almost out of the size 22-24 range. I am the biggest I have ever been. I am changing my attitude about the way I eat....instead of hearing herald angels when I walk by the tasty tempting treats of an open chocolatier, it will be for the pants that I will be able to fit into, the next size down or walking up the stairs without feeling like I will soon meet my demise. I am ready for this. I am ready for walking and not being weary and running and not being faint. Now is the time for me to start taking care of myself so no one else has to. Lindsey co-blogger.